Surrender.

As the battle came near to its end, the Major decided too many of his men were dying. He looked at his soldiers and saw in their eyes they were defeated. It was time for something different. Why push forward only to be slaughtered? He realized a most important thing that day; to save his life and the lives of others he would need to surrender.

This little story stands as a metaphor representing all that we battle daily - challenges we have and the despair that some of them bring, each at varying degrees. As the person in charge or our own troops, we are responsible for saving lives; at least our own life. The question then stands how do we call back the troops? How do we make the decision to realize defeat? Is it ok to be defeated? When do we surrender?

These are my two favourite definitions of Surrender:
1).To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
2). To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion

The reason I want to clarify these meanings is because of some stigmas that come with the word surrender. We live in a society that has a butt heads, push forward, and that "don’t give up the fight" attitude. But don’t get me wrong, there is nothing bad about a little gusto. However, what has happened due to our societal standard, is that we lose vision of what we are fighting for. When this occurs we end up in a constant state of conflict. This causes duress and without a cause, it also ends in anxiety, unhappiness and a feeling of being lost. Surrendering is not the same as giving up when there is no cause.

To resign oneself or relinquish control, could possibly be two of the most effective tools we are unaware of. Because of our fighting nature, we don’t get that we need to let go, to grow. Habits, cycles and battles all need to be let go; if we can keep this thought while also thinking of surrendering - we can understand how this applies to our growth.

There is more out there, we all know it. Whether you think there is more out there in your career, in your love life, in finances or in spirit – almost all of us have a feeling there is something else. We can’t quite grasp it sometimes, we don’t know how to chase it and it often seems like we should just not bother. To reach for that next level, to grow, we must surrender - Surrender the current battle, surrender our stale belief systems and surrender to a higher order.

It is not to give up but to release our inhibitions of moving forward, that we must concede and surrender. Just remember you can look within and receive positive incite.

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

If you are not happy, then hey, maybe you should clap your hands anyway. You might remember this from childhood songs. This song is among many that are sung with children all over North America. These songs in fact really don't give many options to the life these children are embarking on. Why aren't we singing songs to kids, that teach them what to do, when they aren't happy? We sing songs about disease, disaster, bridge is falling down and babies in cradles falling from trees. I'm sure we can do some research and find out how these horrible life guides came to be. However, I'm more of the school that says -Complain, come up with an alternative and move on!

So I suggest, the next time you are singing a song to a child, or possibly just in your head after reading this short rant; change the words. If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands. If you're sad and don't know why, ask for help! London bridge is more sustainable.. I don't know, but until we come up with a better system for kids songs, do this.

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. If you're not happy and you can't fight it, clap your hands too. Go ahead and try it... Just start clapping, slowly at first and then pick up momentum. Clap harder and harder till you are cheering and hey maybe even give out a little "Hoooyah!". You'll see, you will be smiling before you know it. Either out of joy or the silly thought of why am I clapping? It's ok to feel wierd, just come up with a good reason to clap - replace the weirdness with the good reason..Now that thought is in your head and you're happy. and you know it! Keep this ditty for a needed moment.

just remember.

Re:member recap

http://allthetoc.blogspot.com/2008/12/just-rememberanything-you-need-to_23.html

Haiku to You.

For Bells the Birds sing,
The morning after my dream.
Was it real, this talk?

The B-Line or Cloud 9 ?

It's not my normal way to work. I'm on a different route, not my usual bus, there is no skytrain at all on this journey. I haven't changed jobs, no I haven't, but this commute is changing my mood. Stand in line like cows herding to the pastures in the morning. I miss a bus because it's too full, no more room. A blessing I will be thankful for. If I see so many here with me, how can I feel alone, today it's just stress. The bus I take is crowded with only one spot for standing room directly in front of me. Missing that last bus was a good thing. It only stops at three stops before I get off, you were at the second. The only spot near the front door, you came towards me, no eye contact. You are full of power, in this bus, which steals mine. Your skin is soft and flawless, but some how not perfect. Hair tied back in a braid, you use your umbrella to hook the overhead hand rail. Leveraging the handle to lean over and adjust your bag, you have two of them, this one over your shoulder. You are facing the other direction, your back against my chest, but not touching. I can feel a small twinge of energy. Eerily, I am moved; by such a stranger? Your scent familiar, is full of fruit, it's your hair; no your essence. Feeling so closely like a commercial the bus stops abruptly. We don't bump, I try hard to make sure of it. I feel as if you are purposefuly ignoring me, by choice. I'm so wrapped up in my head game, I don't notice the girl next to us who's smiled at me. The next few blocks are jerky, with lots of turbulance, but I'm so taken by everything. Your jacket is made of dark denim, your skirt flowing, with elegant and simple shoes. I consider the possibilities of our social circles overlapping. Afterall, some of your decor looks hand made. Especially your earrings, they have been crafted by someone who cared. Sleek twisted curves with brown marble stone at the droops of each spiral. I get lost in the swirls, I think about how I could possibly know you in real life; I am swept away by fantasy. My thoughts sifting through a made up future, where the bus represents our lives. Some times turbulant, sometimes smooth, but always in sync. Swaying together through the entire ride, our arms are both at a ninety degree angle, holding the bar above us. As we shift they move perfectly as one, like the turning wheels of a car. Have I been looking at your neck? That's not good, this is a bus. Is this my stop? I find myself moving away from you quickly, the fantasy leaves my mind- just as fast. The eternity of that moment, the depth of our possibilities, is simply past. As I step off the bus love is in the air and it's not Monday; but I'm a little wiser. Now I haven't asked you your name, again...

Gracefully shameful

I think twice whenever I am put in a situation that makes me feel like my back is up against the wall. There was a time in my life, when that would make me "react".

I've stopped this approach lately. The reason is that I've come to realize, there is a fine line, between the possible outcomes in these situations. Shame and grace are very closely aligned, regardless of the fact they make us feel very different, when we experience them.

I only have one example of how this is true. At least in story form.

The other day I was coming home from work. In my usual fashion, I unloaded my pockets onto the table that sits between my living room and kitchen. Everything goes in a pile, so that later I'm not lost as to where it might be.

Earlier I had been at a store, and the line of people behind me, caused me to separately put my bank card in my pants pocket. I'm usually pretty methodical about putting it back in the wallet, but not this time. After emptying my pockets, I got out of my work clothes and went about my evening. The next day at work, I went to lunch with a coworker, while ordering she offered to buy me lunch.

This was a nice gesture and I was appreciative. Especially since it had been at my favourite lunch stop in. I was on the fence about allowing her to buy my lunch, to be honest. I was questioning her motives, even though there was absolutely no reason to do so. Regardless, she bought lunch and we went on with our day.

Later in the evening as I went home from work, I stopped to buy some transit tickets, finding myself in a bind. I pulled my wallet out and went to pay. Low and behold, no card. No tickets.

Further more, I was now considering the possible outcomes of the earlier situation.

You see, I had ordered my food, before she offered to buy it for me.

If she had not offered to buy my lunch I would have been a wee bit embarrassed. However, being embarrassed and being an ass are two different things. You see as I internally reacted to my questions of her motives, I nearly got upright indignant about her buying my lunch. I was a millisecond from sounding off to her (and most likely the woman behind the counter) about how I could not possibly accept such an offer. Imagine what would have happened then, if thirty second later, I had pulled out an empty wallet; no bank card. I would have gone from a free lunch, to begging for help.

It was only a moment of difference between these two possible outcomes. As I got home and found my card in my previous day's pants, I smiled. With grace.

Because it all happens for a reason, it all matters and it should all be considered.

Go in grace and.. just remember.

Power vs. Force

I am not a counselor, but I have a strong feeling about the connections we make, the effect we have on each other and the endless opportunities to contribute to each other’s growth. Whenever you are in a situation, a relationship, or an interaction, one that you can't get your head around, something that makes you feel horrible, despairing, helpless, or just plain bad – you can affect it, even at it's worst.

I am not perfect. I will try to keep my message neutral and as positive as I can. I say these things to keep me from forgetting them when I need to remember. These words are as much for you as they are for me. And remember while you read this, hope springs eternal...

You can make changes in your life. You are in control. You are powerful. You can have whatever you want, or, if you don't know what you want, you can choose not to have it either. This works regardless of what your brain tells you, if it says that you are stuck, trapped, or you can't get out. There is always an alternative. First and also most important, you are not alone.

Whether you trust in your vices, religion, faith, friends, family, or if you believe in anything at all, then still you have to trust that there is salvation. There must be somewhere to turn or some way to get help that is not based on complaining or bitching or avoidance. Start by getting help and you are one step closer to making a change.

Nothing can hold your power back; power like your eternal light. The world is your endless possibility, and simply thinking about positive outcomes is enough to make things happen. Furthermore, action towards a positive outcome is even more powerful. Anger and guilt and hopelessness will get you nowhere except further into being lost. You can always wander with hope, into the middle of nowhere, with better results, than negatively into a desert of despair; into a place you don’t want to be.

You cannot ever make life fair, because what's fair to one person may not be fair to another, but all is fair in the grand eternal. As things balance themselves out. Stop accusing others, or yourself; accept the 'flaws' you see and maybe if you nurture growth in a positive way, everyone will be able to admit to oneself what they need. Then you won't have to end or continue in turmoil, it will just become an experience that passes. In other words, I'm saying: nurture your situation to develop it into a learning experience instead of fighting it with anger. The pain is hard, the hurt too much. That is in your control as well. Someone once said we only need pain to learn… until we don't need pain to learn anymore, then we can just learn. You control the pain and the hurt; they are only concepts, not real, natural phenomena. There is nothing physically wrong, and even in those that do have physical pain, you can see them conquer their pain through vision.

Just a reminder: even if you are in the middle of a situation with another person, you cannot take their interpretation – which probably hurts them as much as your situation is hurting you – you cannot take it personally, because if they are there, they are stuck as well, and you are both in it together. Don't feel hurt and denied, but try to understand how everyone got there in the first place. Most people in pain do not see that they are loved just for who they are. We have the power to remind each other, and you have that power too.

Look, you can put a lifetime into anger, or hurt, or negativity; you can live your life miserably as a wife, a husband, a son, a daughter or partner of any kind; however, you can also decide to invest a much shorter time into developing a relationship filled with love, understanding and compassion. This will help you grow as much as it will help others grow, to the point that they can become a person who can make admissions to themselves; the very same admissions you look to be honest about, here, now, within yourself. You are a powerful person, capable of that love, if you let yourself.

Vision is the leader of our lives and you have to see the potential future to make it happen. So by simply believing, you can make it happen, without even trying. Words like “anger,” “hurt,” “guilt,” and phrases like, “It's too soon,” and “I can't,” are only negative steps that will keep you wandering. You may see the vision once, and may not have the ability to sustain it constantly, but with small steps you can head in the right direction. We must take these steps whenever opportunity presents them, to keep the journey moving forward.

You are ready when your ears are listening, your eyes are seeing and your heart is open. So make yourself ready.

I feel like we can all inspire people. You can too.

Just remember.

Lift off.

The phrase 'soft launch' refers to a particular way of releasing or unveiling a service or product. It usually means that there is awareness that things will need to be improved, but there is no way to achieve this without a test period. This time of testing will require the involvement of a larger demographic or user group. The 'soft' refers to only partial or limited portions of the product being unveiled. Soft launches are normally followed by hard launches.

I'm bringing this up because last week at work, we had a soft launch of our product.

This brought me to thinking (as most things do). These postings are a soft launch of sorts. I am aware that I have kinks to work out (like my grammar and sentence structure), yet I'm ready to be run across a bigger audience. Speaking is my thing, not writing, but the practice of insight is the real product. The main difference being that when you are speaking one on one with a person, the insights you discuss seem have more 'meaning'. Most of my posts have been about the weather, but that's not to say it's not important in some way or another.

At work, the service that's being provided during the soft launch phase seemed to be menial. So distantly far from the final product, I mentally pushed myself to go further than the scope of the current objectives. I was trying to give it a purpose.

As I went through the motions I found that feedback started coming to me (from management) to pull on the reins. Slow down, think about the basics, do what we can, not what we hope to one day. I found that resonating very solidly with me. My talk about discipline, this blog, friends and just about anything else in life- all have to be practiced through soft launches. The practice demographic was also giving me feedback about the soft launch. Apparently there is value in the limited service being provided! Who would have thought?

I've started to be a little more social again and I'm remembering the importance of interacting with other humans. It has shown me that there is endless opportunity to "soft launch" everywhere. You can fully provide the product that is now available (even if unpolished). So go ahead and prepare yourself. Distribute your services to the larger demographic. Polish it, find the kinks, improve your technique and you will add valuable perspective. Patience once again comes to mind. Because by enjoy the process the wait for that final destination won't be as hard.

With that, I close with an offering to remember. I urge everyone to remember the soft launches in your life. Cherish and utilize them, because in the end, *it all matters.

it all matters.

Sometimes I don't know what to write. Which means I also don't know what to talk about. When you don't want to speak in front of a mirror, or your friends won't sit and listen to you, you still need to practice.

I want to talk about some food habits I've tried to implement into my life. Here's one of them.

When I'm short on will power, in regards to yummy food, I often have to trick myself. I'll talk myself out of eating out, by convincing myself I can recreate it at home. One of my soft points is the Wendy's Taco Salad. I walked by Wendy's twice today. YAH! I was walking, good start.

but man was I craving a taco salad. It's been forever since I had one. I used to get them all the time back when I was working for that other company. Probably a good reason I gained forty pounds while I was there.

While walking by the second time I thought to myself, "man I am really craving a taco salad." and as you can see, there is a trend here. But I don't need a Wendy's taco salad, right? I can have a taco salad of another variety. (do you want a taco salad yet?) I can make one at home.

Make home made chilli. I suggest vegetarian chilli, less fatty.
Cut and bake home fries. Freeze the sliced potato over night first and then soak them for ten minutes before baking. When very krispy, lay home fries on a bed of spinach.

Pour chilli on top, enjoy.

Hell no it's not a Wendy's taco salad.

but now I don't need one.

well.

So discipline definitely not my thing. I haven't written in a while, because I'm secretly avoiding posting. I didn't do more than one day. So I've been avoiding admitting it. To myself, to you (whoever is out there).

However, in life, we fail.

Doing better after failing is what it's all about. I will start again tomorrow and see how it goes.

good luck to you

Discipline

Definition: 1. training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character 2. control gained by enforcing obedience or order b: orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior 3. self-control 4. a rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity

So you can pick a definition, but everyone can find one in there that they think would benefit them. We all need a little more discipline in our lives, ok that's not true, some need less. I, my friend, need more. I will start with some basics. The point here is that I have my own definition. I'll make it simple for us. My definition of discipline, is having the ability to do something, over and over again.

Do something over and over again. Do something over and over again.

I do something over and over again all the time, daily, weekly, monthly. Over and Over. All the time.

Do something over and over again, for one hundred days, nothing hard. It just has to be done every day for one hundred days. I start tomorrow.

day 1.

alarm clocks and coffee.....

The morning is early, but not as early as it will be. The room is cold and the beeping is getting louder. The fade to wake function is genius, allowing me to be woken softly, with vigor bringing me to anger. Enough rage to get me out of my bed stomping. Stomp stomp stomp right over to the kettle, the switch is flipped. One, two, three I turn and lay back in bed. One alarm down, two to go, three in total. Another handy feature that my alarm clock has. Three alarms, three different sounds, three times. It's eleven minutes later and the 'rock' tune is on the chorus. "Click" the kettle goes, from the kitchen, timed perfectly through practice.

The french press is lined up with the grounds, sugar and cream which I grabbed from the fridge during the switch flip. I'm not angry, I'm singing along with the 'rock' tune. Grounds in the press, water on the grounds, stir and walk. I'm in bed again. I'm laying and waiting, the third of three to come. I'm not tired, I'm not angry, the smell fills the air. Deep roasted scent, filled with a light nut flavour. The air easier to breathe and rich with life. Before the third alarm plays, I've turned it off, rarely do I hear 'wave'. Thank you sweet smell and refined routine. Providing me with reward, in'scent'ive and pleasant thoughts.

Shower on, grounds stirred, press down, body washed, clothes on, coffee.....

mmmmm....

it's 7:42am and I'm out the door.

Happy 40th Dan.

Yesterday I met Dan. He voted for Hillary Clinton. These were his first words to me and my friend,

"I voted for Hillary" he said as we crossed the road at Broadway and Commercial. We were on our way home from work.

"Were you in the States or did you write her name on your ballot?" I looked at my coworker and she smiled. I think we both understood he didn't vote at all. "I just want to get attention, I didn't really vote. I'm sorta drunk, actually." he wiped his nose with his sleeve. "I've been just saying stuff to people to get a reaction." He was a fairly together looking man except for the toque on his head and the bottle of pop in his arm. It was more the way he was holding the bottle of pop, pocketed into his elbow, as if it was a football and he was a running back. Apperantly it was mixed with booze.

We were across the road and my friend had to part with me. My first thought was that I should keep this guy occupied while she walked away. However, it didn't take long to see this wasn't going to be that kind of interaction.

I asked him his name and he was a little excitable. His thoughts seemed to run together, but he was completely coherent and in the moment. The conversation was not very linear from that point on. He sometimes mentioned that he didn't really vote or that his birthday was on Saturday (maybe he'd get some booze or if he's lucky coke). Regardless of the topic, he'd always throw in that he was trying to get some attention.

The fog was thick that day and very damp on my person. I was wearing business dress pants, made of next to nothing. Thin enough to let the wind through, the shivering had started in my legs. Now we had been speaking for fifteen minutes. I felt somewhat guilty, complaining in my head about the cold, as he says "So I'm homeless. I'll be forty on Saturday" and mentions his options to celebrate again. As we consolidate our feelings on drug addiction I think about the cold again.

"I didn't really vote for Hillary, I've just been saying that to people" and I wonder, as you the reader may be, if this was going anywhere. and then it does...

"Humans are good, don't listen to that crap." "What crap?" You were thinking it too. He answers, "the crap that people aren't good, cuz they are." I realize the obvious, he means that people are good and nothing more. It was not complicated, but I was somehow completely moved. A guy who had been looking for attention, pocketing a booze bottle in his elbow, with nowhere to live actually felt that things were going to be ok. "Things are going to be ok" he said, that's how I knew his feelings. "but don't vote for Harper again, vote Hillary, or maybe Obama"

I was moved, but I was cold. If I had been talking to a good friend, I would have excused myself by now and been home, in a thick hoodie. I offered my hand to him, because he deserved a congratulations. I said with recognition "I sure am glad to hear people still think it's going to be alright." Our hands raised a little, still clasping, his a little harder than before. They were around the height of our chest, but the hand shake had somehow shifted.

I didn't mind that we were still touching, but we were at the corner of Commercial and Broadway (5pm). I felt somehow strange, picture the promenade in square dancing, this is how our hands were being held. We continued to talk, mostly him, while I nodded. I tried every trick in the book to excuse myself. None of it worked, we were even shifting in a circle, round and round, holding hands. So very close to breaking out in a waltz, I realize he needed attention. He had said so many times. I had been completely moved by this guy and even revived a bit. Yet, I had not heard a word he said. I said "Dan." He said,"You be good" he knew what was coming. "I have to go, so I'm going to give you a hug and then I'm going to go." I was cold, but I would be warm soon, his hands were very clammy as he let go of mine. We hugged. It wasn't too long, or too short. Just long enough for both of us. He wiped his cheek. It was just a tear, but he was crying and so was I.

"I Voted for Hillary" he yelled at a lady with a large hat.

A lighthouse in the fog.

For the past week, or what seems like five weeks, we have had a very thick fog in Vancouver. Something that at first thought seems different or weird for this region. Many people have made comments on what seems like the usual banter about the daily weather, only now about fog. I hear hourly in my surroundings, "this fog sure is strange" and " Vancouver hasn't seen this type of fog in ever" then there is my personal favorite "this is all because of the inversion". This last one is at the top of my list because it's thrown around so very loosely. "The rare and strange inversion is causing this air mass to ... yadda yadda", from both meteorologists, bus patrons and co-workers alike. However, from what I can gather (and I'm not a meteorologist) inversion is necessary for almost all fog. So is inversion really that rare when fog is present? I asked this once and the response I got was that it was rare, for this region, but not necessarily as a phenomenon. This caused me to think. Ok, we are a city that is a harbor, surrounded by mountains and formerly a rain forest. Is it fog really rare. Those sound like perfect conditions for fog! Now, I'm not only not a meteorologist, but I'm also no (I am now looking up the most appropriate profession) ...geologist? So I'm not sure, but these thoughts of our conditions here, in this city, make me more curious as to why we aren't best friends with inversion.

But I digress...

Yesterday the skies opened up, or as they say, the fog cleared. There it was low and behold... the beautiful sight of the City of Vancouver. Man it was stunning. I had forgotten what anything that wasn't seven feet in front of me looked like. This is why the view of the mountains, majestic and white, not a cloud to be seen was so refreshing. I heard a much different tone from the players of weather talk, now it was stuff like, "as soon as that sun comes out you feel different, don't ya?" or the joyful "beautiful day innit?" and on the other end of the spectrum, my favourite " Sure is F'n great out!" The joy was over whelming, everyone could see and appreciate the beauty that hid behind the misty curtains that had been pulled back. Revealing the beauty that we knew was there, but could only dream of grasping in the depths of fog.

Two days and two nights with no blindness during day, no calling out in front of you, no scary road crossings, not knowing if some car is speeding your way. Most noticeably, no deep bellowing and somber sound of the lighthouse in the night warning the ships of potential danger.

and like the scar in the valley our city is, it hit me. The fog in our life is only here to help us weed through the dismal life, working towards the beauties that lie behind. So I welcome you, oh rare inversion, my friend whom no other can understand. You are the lighthouse, in the dismal life I refuse to acknowledge. Today I go without you, clear headed, happy and hopeful; but perhaps tomorrow I will wander again, with only the deep horn and your light's blip in the sky, to guide me through a night.

Happy wave riding everyone.

Obamanos

Ok tomorrow Bush is out of office (maybe). And Obama is in. 


More to come, on the fog, in a bit.

wow the fog is really thick, this is wierd for Vancouver.

Interesting thing fact for work...

This summer I spent a couple of weeks in Trinidad. While there, I was digging holes for septic tanks. It was part of a volunteer program that is similar to habitat for humanity. I dug a large hole with a group of four people (including myself). The hole was big enough to fit all of us in it when we were done (standing!). It rained half the time we were working and we spent a large portion of our time, re- digging the holes and draining buckets of water. When we completed and installed the tank, we were done! It was super rewarding because the residents of the homes that were having bathrooms added to them, were there through the entire process. They shared stories of their lives and island history that was very interesting and entertaining.