Gracefully shameful

I think twice whenever I am put in a situation that makes me feel like my back is up against the wall. There was a time in my life, when that would make me "react".

I've stopped this approach lately. The reason is that I've come to realize, there is a fine line, between the possible outcomes in these situations. Shame and grace are very closely aligned, regardless of the fact they make us feel very different, when we experience them.

I only have one example of how this is true. At least in story form.

The other day I was coming home from work. In my usual fashion, I unloaded my pockets onto the table that sits between my living room and kitchen. Everything goes in a pile, so that later I'm not lost as to where it might be.

Earlier I had been at a store, and the line of people behind me, caused me to separately put my bank card in my pants pocket. I'm usually pretty methodical about putting it back in the wallet, but not this time. After emptying my pockets, I got out of my work clothes and went about my evening. The next day at work, I went to lunch with a coworker, while ordering she offered to buy me lunch.

This was a nice gesture and I was appreciative. Especially since it had been at my favourite lunch stop in. I was on the fence about allowing her to buy my lunch, to be honest. I was questioning her motives, even though there was absolutely no reason to do so. Regardless, she bought lunch and we went on with our day.

Later in the evening as I went home from work, I stopped to buy some transit tickets, finding myself in a bind. I pulled my wallet out and went to pay. Low and behold, no card. No tickets.

Further more, I was now considering the possible outcomes of the earlier situation.

You see, I had ordered my food, before she offered to buy it for me.

If she had not offered to buy my lunch I would have been a wee bit embarrassed. However, being embarrassed and being an ass are two different things. You see as I internally reacted to my questions of her motives, I nearly got upright indignant about her buying my lunch. I was a millisecond from sounding off to her (and most likely the woman behind the counter) about how I could not possibly accept such an offer. Imagine what would have happened then, if thirty second later, I had pulled out an empty wallet; no bank card. I would have gone from a free lunch, to begging for help.

It was only a moment of difference between these two possible outcomes. As I got home and found my card in my previous day's pants, I smiled. With grace.

Because it all happens for a reason, it all matters and it should all be considered.

Go in grace and.. just remember.